Its unfortunate that I find myself misunderstood by so many people.  I try to be transparent, but I have to admit that in the past year or so, I've been very content to keep to myself in public contexts.  I don't blog a lot of my personal affairs anymore, but I still have other cathartic avenues in my closest friends.  Nonetheless, the only person that I can consistently blame for these misunderstandings is me.  Conversely, God is the only one who has successfully made himself know in full sufficiency such that nobody can blame Him for their ignorance.  I suppose I've been so accustomed to being surrounded by a church family that has not only observed me as I've been shaped into who am I today, but has actually participated in it too.  There are so many new people in the church these days that I'm finding myself frustrated that nobody understands me anymore.  It seems I'm often engaged on the field of reputation rather than a genuine desire to get to know me.  It appears to be on the basis of presumption, stereotypes and even possibly (but hopefully not) gossip.  Although, honestly, I have no reason to complain.  These situations are always an inevitability in a world of sinners.  My responsibility goes only as far as to patiently prove my character over time while offering charity to those who are still getting acquainted with me.

But if anybody out there cares to make an effort to figure me out, I can offer one place you will find my heart of hearts:  my teaching.

Consider this phenomenon:  Christian pop culture has a tendency to toss around the concept of gathering together to study the Bible and to worship for the purpose of "getting to know God better".  But most people who use this phraseology won't really be able to exaplin tangibly how this works.  But I found that God's own character is stitched through all the pages of scripture, even in the most mundane texts.  You can understand God's heart better when you recognize what He prescribes, defends, condemns, upholds, loves, hates, repeats, omits, emphasizes, demands, suggests, insinuates, explains, prioritizes.  Even in how he goes about these things, if he uses an economy of words, or if he invests a large sum of words.  You can observe broad themes and minute details, all revealing what God cares to give his attention to.  People can get so tangled up in getting to know the content of the Bible, that they often miss the Author behind the content.  Of course anybody who approaches the content in a cavalier fashion would be guilty of approaching the author in that fasion.  But once we understand the content of the Bible, we must not stop there, but pursue an intimate understanding of the heart of God the Author.

People might consider my teaching and blog posts too "heady".  But this is who I am.  (though I'm always striving to be a more effective teacher, feedback welcome!)  But if anybody cares to understand my heart, you know where to start.  Conveniently, xanga provides this tagging service.  It's actually a weighted visualization of the proportion of one tag to another.  The smaller the font, the less posts I've written for that tag.  The tags with large fonts betray my favorite type of entries.  All posts contain insights into kevina's character.  But kevina loves blogging about some things more than others.  My tags are a good place to figure that out.  Can anybody guess what's #1?